The era of the Independent Woman . . . 2009 and 2010 . . .Ne-Yo loves her because "she got her own" . . . I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T . . Lil Boosie spelled it out for us! Destiny's Child gave us a very in-depth definition of the term with their song Independent Woman.. . .but the independent woman is a term that does not stand alone when it comes to being defined.
I consider myself a good listener! I guess this characteristic is the reason a lot of people talk to me. I don't always always have an opinion, instead I know when a simple acknowledgement is needed in any situation. So I watch and listen to women everyday . . . my sisters of every background, profession, style . . . you name it. And I hate to admit it but some of us give the independent woman a bad name.
How many times have you heard . . .
"I don't need no man to do nothing for me . . . "
"I can pay my own bills, get my own hair done . . . take care of my own kids . . . "
If I had a dollar for every time I heard it or even said it . . . I would be rich. And if I had a dollar for every female that has said these words in some shape and fashion . . . and didn't live it . . . I would be even richer.
How do you call yourself an independent woman when you live above your means . . . leaving you no choice but to find "that man" to dig you out of your financial troubles? Whether it is having multiple children or trying to live a champagne life with your little beer money . . . you cannot be an independent woman when you are living a life you can't afford. Because you are the first to run to a man to pick up the slack . . . and will give him the blues if he doesn't. An independent woman doesn't just bring home the bacon and cook it . . . but she knows how to manage it.
Otherwise . . . you are simply . . . "The Dependant Woman in DENIAL" . . . Here are a few examples . . hopefully you don't find yourself in one of these categories . . . .
"Hair done . . nails done . . everything did . . . . " I mean you and your kids stay sharp . . . house decked out . . . only the best of the best for you . . . . how do you do it with no job . . . . no food in your regrigerator, electricity, water and gas turned off or the bill is skyhigh from your penny pinching payments so you can stay fly . . . . and the eviction notice is on the door . . . I'm just sayin' . . . .You are . . . . THE DEPENDENT WOMAN IN DENIAL!
Can you honestly say that you are an indendent woman if you have multiple children . . . possibly with multiple men . . . and you don't have a job? Instead, you depend on DCFS, Social Security and whatever other outlet of what you consider to be "free money" to care for your children? Instead, you depend on the children's fathers . . who didn't have anything and didn't amount to anything to begin with . . . and cuss em out when they can't give you what you need and want . . . . You are . . . . THE DEPENDENT WOMAN IN DENIAL!
Oh you got it going on . . you don't even work for anyone . . you are an entrepreneur . . you have some real estate . . .a catering company or something . . . but again . . . the kids are hungry, the electricity, water, and gas are off or set for disconnection and the eviction notice is on the door . . . . there is a big difference between struggling to fulfill your dreams and just straight up suffering to fulfill them . . . I learned this lesson the hard way . . . You and I are just . . THE DEPENDENT WOMAN IN DENIAL!
And finally . . . are you really an independent woman if you possess the "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine" attitude? I SAY NOT . . . . Instead, the independent woman thought process goes a little something like this . . . I have mine . . .you have yours . . . and together we have ours!!!!! Then when ours doesn't work out . . . I have mine and you have yours and I will be able to live without yours . . otherwise . . You are THE DEPENDENT WOMAN IN DENIAL!
So, I end this blog with the question . . . Who are you . . honestly . . . Are you THE INDEPENDENT WOMAN . . . or the independent woman's evil twin . . . THE DEPENDENT WOMAN IN DENIAL . . .
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
A DAY IN THE LIFE . . . . REAL LIFE . . . . GEORGIA!
Today . . . My blog will give you a little bit of background on my family and our situation. . . . kind of catch you up so you aren't completely lost as I blog my way out temporary economic slump.
Sidenote: Please take note of the word TEMPORARY . . . .
In January 2008, my husband and I lay in bed, watching TV when he asked how I felt about moving to Georgia. My initial response was "yeah right . . . " but the look on his face told me that he was serious. He went on to explain his reasoning behind the decision. We had all gone through so much with the recent death of his mother, losing my parents in 2000, his grandmother and a few other important people in our lives. Maybe, he thought, a change would do us some good.
At the time, I was working in the non-profit industry making a decent salary. . . . yet, I was unhappy at the job and he knew it. I was going on my tenth year with the organization but the position had required me of putting them before my family on more than one occasion and this in addition to the lack of room for advancement in position and salary had become disappointing. So when I saw that he was serious . . . I was on board. My husband had been struggling for eight years to build a successful restaurant and catering business, but because my job was paying the bills and he watched the kids while I was at work, it was hard for him to give 100%.
I began looking for employment opportunities online and my husband began looking for places to stay. We were both positive that my education and experience would land me employment in no time. We were wrong . . . . I was interviewed at a community youth organization and needless to say . . no one was hired for the position. We had selected a place under the premise that I was being hired by the organization and after the opportunity fell through we were still positive that finding employment would not be hard considering my skills, experience and education. Again . . . we were wrong!!!! And to top it all off I became pregnant with our fifth child.
My husband jumped in headfirst seeking employment and we decided that I would focus on the kids while he worked. His first opportunity was with a restaurant named Louise's. They specialized in soul food and had been featured on Food Network. They were impressed with his skills and wanted to utilize him within different facets of the restaurants, including their goal to expand and add catering to their services. But they could only pay him $9.00/hr and promises to increase his pay after a probationary period were not kept. They even went as far as to have him begin the process for managing their catering services . . . then they began to ignore his requests, citing "no money". This was obviously the truth because today, they are no longer in business. My husband began focusing on his own catering business but still needed to find employment. We were behind in the rent and other bills. We were blessed to have an understanding landlord who tried to work with us. My husband finally found a job with a preimier catering company in Atlanta named Proof of The Pudding. Again, everyone from the owner of the company to the managers and clients were impressed with my husband's culinary talents and he later received a raise from $9.00 to $14.00 an hour. Again, he was promised advancement within the company only to be ignored whenever the question was raised as to when the change would take place.
We were not the only ones waiting on the change . . our landlord waited too.
The company knew our situation and tried to ensure that he worked all of the events and even gave him opportunities to work in their company affiliated cafe's. But we still weren't making it and after our year lease was up, the landlord demanded that we vacate the premises for non-payment of rent. So, we moved and we downsized. My husband's immediate manager was impressed with his desire to start his own catering company and supported him by allowing him days off to prepare and meet the obligations of catering events. But for one event, he caught her on a bad day when everyone was directing payroll complaints her way and when he requested the time off, she demoted him to "on call" culinary captain. . . . and she never called him. He filed for unemployment and immediately began looking for work. On top of all of this, we had moved into a district with a low-performing school. Our oldest daughter, Kayla who loved school was losing her enthusiasm about school due to the atmosphere and behavior of the children that required more discipline in the classroom than teaching. And my daughter DeJanay, who needed individualized attention in some areas had a teacher who spent more time planning "fun" events when she wasn't sleeping and sent home enough homework each night to last someone a week. We immediately began making plans to move once our six month lease was up. When it became obvious that "on call" meant "no call", my husband filed for unemployment.
While working for Proof of the Pudding, my husband's work ethic thoroughly impressed one of the clients, The Greek Orthodox Church. So, when it was obvious that he was without a job he decided to approach one of the contacts to inquire about any employment opportunities with the church. He explained the situation and his contact immediately offered to assist our family in any way she could, including hiring my husband and paying him what "Proof" was paying him. She became wrapped up in our situation and "adopted" our family, buying the kids beds and providing us with perks for the family including Six Flags season passes and movie passes. And in return, my husband made himself available for anything and everything that she and the church needed. He truly went above and beyond . . . He painted, cleaned, cooked, shopped, etc. He worked long hours spending time away from the family daily and even on special occasions like birthdays. This opportunity was the best for us though, because rent and utilities were paid every month. We had found near a great school in Conyers, Georgia and were even able to upgrade the way we lived. And not long after, we welcomed my stepson to live with us.
After almost a year with the church, my husband was offered the opportunity to have a catering buffet set up featured in the movie "Hall Pass", for scenes being filmed at the church. He would receive pay from the production company and receive his hours from the church since he had been delegated as the "church contact" to the production company. This was a great opportunity for my husband to earn some extra money and add an experience to his resume. And then payday rolled around . . . . .
My husband went to pick up his check only to get the runaround . . . nobody seemed to know where his supervisor was . . . then, she had gotten into a car accident but was still coming to work . . . she arrived at work . . . and nobody knew where she was . . . . my husband finally found her in another building far from her "regular" office space . . . she knew he was looking for her to pick up his pay . . . and when he found her . . . that is when all hell broke loose!!!!! She began by questioning his hours, then she questioned the amount of work he did . . . begrudgingly she broke down and gave him his well-deserved pay with these final parting words . . . . "Why can't anyone just do something for the church . . . I'll call you when we need you!"
We are still waiting on that call . . . . .
Sidenote: Please take note of the word TEMPORARY . . . .
In January 2008, my husband and I lay in bed, watching TV when he asked how I felt about moving to Georgia. My initial response was "yeah right . . . " but the look on his face told me that he was serious. He went on to explain his reasoning behind the decision. We had all gone through so much with the recent death of his mother, losing my parents in 2000, his grandmother and a few other important people in our lives. Maybe, he thought, a change would do us some good.
At the time, I was working in the non-profit industry making a decent salary. . . . yet, I was unhappy at the job and he knew it. I was going on my tenth year with the organization but the position had required me of putting them before my family on more than one occasion and this in addition to the lack of room for advancement in position and salary had become disappointing. So when I saw that he was serious . . . I was on board. My husband had been struggling for eight years to build a successful restaurant and catering business, but because my job was paying the bills and he watched the kids while I was at work, it was hard for him to give 100%.
I began looking for employment opportunities online and my husband began looking for places to stay. We were both positive that my education and experience would land me employment in no time. We were wrong . . . . I was interviewed at a community youth organization and needless to say . . no one was hired for the position. We had selected a place under the premise that I was being hired by the organization and after the opportunity fell through we were still positive that finding employment would not be hard considering my skills, experience and education. Again . . . we were wrong!!!! And to top it all off I became pregnant with our fifth child.
My husband jumped in headfirst seeking employment and we decided that I would focus on the kids while he worked. His first opportunity was with a restaurant named Louise's. They specialized in soul food and had been featured on Food Network. They were impressed with his skills and wanted to utilize him within different facets of the restaurants, including their goal to expand and add catering to their services. But they could only pay him $9.00/hr and promises to increase his pay after a probationary period were not kept. They even went as far as to have him begin the process for managing their catering services . . . then they began to ignore his requests, citing "no money". This was obviously the truth because today, they are no longer in business. My husband began focusing on his own catering business but still needed to find employment. We were behind in the rent and other bills. We were blessed to have an understanding landlord who tried to work with us. My husband finally found a job with a preimier catering company in Atlanta named Proof of The Pudding. Again, everyone from the owner of the company to the managers and clients were impressed with my husband's culinary talents and he later received a raise from $9.00 to $14.00 an hour. Again, he was promised advancement within the company only to be ignored whenever the question was raised as to when the change would take place.
We were not the only ones waiting on the change . . our landlord waited too.
The company knew our situation and tried to ensure that he worked all of the events and even gave him opportunities to work in their company affiliated cafe's. But we still weren't making it and after our year lease was up, the landlord demanded that we vacate the premises for non-payment of rent. So, we moved and we downsized. My husband's immediate manager was impressed with his desire to start his own catering company and supported him by allowing him days off to prepare and meet the obligations of catering events. But for one event, he caught her on a bad day when everyone was directing payroll complaints her way and when he requested the time off, she demoted him to "on call" culinary captain. . . . and she never called him. He filed for unemployment and immediately began looking for work. On top of all of this, we had moved into a district with a low-performing school. Our oldest daughter, Kayla who loved school was losing her enthusiasm about school due to the atmosphere and behavior of the children that required more discipline in the classroom than teaching. And my daughter DeJanay, who needed individualized attention in some areas had a teacher who spent more time planning "fun" events when she wasn't sleeping and sent home enough homework each night to last someone a week. We immediately began making plans to move once our six month lease was up. When it became obvious that "on call" meant "no call", my husband filed for unemployment.
While working for Proof of the Pudding, my husband's work ethic thoroughly impressed one of the clients, The Greek Orthodox Church. So, when it was obvious that he was without a job he decided to approach one of the contacts to inquire about any employment opportunities with the church. He explained the situation and his contact immediately offered to assist our family in any way she could, including hiring my husband and paying him what "Proof" was paying him. She became wrapped up in our situation and "adopted" our family, buying the kids beds and providing us with perks for the family including Six Flags season passes and movie passes. And in return, my husband made himself available for anything and everything that she and the church needed. He truly went above and beyond . . . He painted, cleaned, cooked, shopped, etc. He worked long hours spending time away from the family daily and even on special occasions like birthdays. This opportunity was the best for us though, because rent and utilities were paid every month. We had found near a great school in Conyers, Georgia and were even able to upgrade the way we lived. And not long after, we welcomed my stepson to live with us.
After almost a year with the church, my husband was offered the opportunity to have a catering buffet set up featured in the movie "Hall Pass", for scenes being filmed at the church. He would receive pay from the production company and receive his hours from the church since he had been delegated as the "church contact" to the production company. This was a great opportunity for my husband to earn some extra money and add an experience to his resume. And then payday rolled around . . . . .
My husband went to pick up his check only to get the runaround . . . nobody seemed to know where his supervisor was . . . then, she had gotten into a car accident but was still coming to work . . . she arrived at work . . . and nobody knew where she was . . . . my husband finally found her in another building far from her "regular" office space . . . she knew he was looking for her to pick up his pay . . . and when he found her . . . that is when all hell broke loose!!!!! She began by questioning his hours, then she questioned the amount of work he did . . . begrudgingly she broke down and gave him his well-deserved pay with these final parting words . . . . "Why can't anyone just do something for the church . . . I'll call you when we need you!"
We are still waiting on that call . . . . .
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